Milton Keynes: Don’t go there

November 25th, 2002

We saw the new Bond flick �Die Another Day� at the Odeon Multiplex in Southampton. Great non-stop action, as you would expect and a totally far-out plot that sees the writers going back to the Moonraker days of outer space. The director got to show off some pretty nifty CGI effects too. The �invisible� car idea is probably one of the zaniest ideas to come from the 007 stable but then, so is the idea of directing the sun�s rays onto Antarctica. Crazy plot, but fun throughout.

I was pissing myself laughing before Bond made his first quip because UK mobile phone operator O2 has got a new poster advertising campaign that reads �Milton Keynes � don�t go there�. On the poster is a photo of an M1 road sign with �Milton Keynes� on it. Beneath that is somebody�s text (media) message �Don�t go there�. So funny, you gotta laugh! Returning from Southampton to Milton Keynes I open the weekly newspaper and on page three there�s an article criticising the advert and getting all hot under the collar about it.

Milton Keynes is renowned for being a shit hole. That�s perhaps, a little unfair as it�s nowhere near as bad as some of the new towns: Slough and Bracknell come to mind. Milton Keynes is trying for city status. It�s been trying for years and constantly fails. It doesn�t look too bad these days. It�s got a lovely theatre and the shopping mall is less boxy and even has an outside part! But the whole suburbia, grid system, no community thing is never going to be acceptable by most UK citizens who, as a whole, like a sense of history and soul. Milton Keynes will always be a place of ridicule. Of course the citizens of MK are laughing because house prices are rising faster than most other parts of the country. Why, because it�s very near London and has excellent commuter links. So why get so worked up about a poster? Laugh, it�s funny!


3 Responses to “Milton Keynes: Don’t go there”

  1. serina

    hey ya
    i come from bracknell n its scummage thro an thro
    but slough is loads worse
    an milton keynes is shite n shud so not get a city status coz its just smeg !!!

  2. charlie

    you got up @8am to say that?
    I live in a place of no status but a lot of history and beer. Its pretty and quiet. There’s a great deal of community spirit here – more than just aftershock – so they are a nosey bunch of gossips. Trouble is there’s nought to do but drink and gossip. Fek all shopping, flicks etc. BUt hell Oxford is just up the road and Swindon is just down the way (dont take that as boasting) coz we aint there: It’s Faringdon – no not the one in London.

    Be glad for what you’ve got – it could be so much worse: I learnt that again this week working in Manchester.

    Work like you dont need the money;
    Love like you’ve never been hurt;
    Dance like you do in your bedroom.


  3. Guy Carberry

    From Rebecca Rowe:

    message: Hang on aint Milton Keynes part of Englands history, it show the invation that the UK has, designed and built my some of the nest ppl in the business. I have and really good impression of Milton Keynes and me and my family visit der offten, and we live way away in Surrey.
    Milton keynes is and Unigue, beautiful city, and i believe its one of the 5 riches districts in the UK, i really suggest you visit it ite More i no ur change your mind.

    From TyS:
    message: Milton keynes aint a shit hole trust me i live here, stuff like dis pisses me off dnt put stuff like dis on da internet , u shudnt write lies like MK cause the dumbasses that visit your website mite believe you. I would like to kknow why u made this desision of milton keynes.MK is an Extremely desirable place, as you can see from how many people move to MK from over places in the UK and the world, i dnt think many people would want to move to a “shit Hole” accept maybe you. Please email me back to tell me why u think MK is a shit hole, if you have time from your nerdy computer obsesion.

    From me:

    Re-read the post. I am not saying that I think MK is a shit-hole. I am saying that it has that reputation. I go there frequently. I work there! The humour is in the advert. Im actually saying that it has a lot going for it. As I say, re-read the post.