Teething Trouble pt1
“The third molars take their place at about 17-18 years of age.” reads a passage from an article by Dr Vivek Pakhmode. Interesting then, that I’m in serious wisdom tooth pain at the age of 24. The top two did come through at 17, as expected, but the bottom two have been late coming. In fact, the bottom right wisdom tooth or ‘third molar’ is yet to make any hint of its emergence. Not to worry, the bottom left one is making up for this by constantly sending pain throughout my bottom jaw. I went to the dentist about it a year ago and it was ignored by my non-English speaking dentist in favour of three fillings. Yes, this has been causing me problems for over a year now. First, whilst at Alton Towers last October, I suffered a brief spell of mind-numbing pain whilst queuing for Nemesis. It passed. The next day I had an additional growth of skin on my gum. “Here we go” I thought – “wisdom tooth no.3 is on its way”. Unfortunately, there’s no room at the inn. Where exactly is this tooth going to go? It seems to have settled on my cheek. Not a natural place for a tooth I agree, but I thought I could live with it as long as it doesn’t hurt. But it hurts, Jesus it hurts! Needless to say, I’m not keen on keeping this latest additional to my enamel arsenal.
So I postulate on the feasibility of removing the offending molar myself. How would I do it? Well it’s deep, very deep. My tongue can only detect the tip of the bugger so we’re talking ‘digging processes’ here. If I could cut a flap out of the side of me cheek and get at the tooth that way it would be more ideal than trying to get a chisel in through the front of my mouth. Obviously this isn’t a great idea as I’d end up with a scar on my cheek. So, I’m gonna have to come in through the front. A paperclip might aid me. I could use it to dig away at my gum and expose the tooth. Then, try to get beneath it to wiggle it out. But, as I say, it’s in deep. So, after much thought, I gave up on thinking I might be able to remove it myself. However, I have a new plan: rot it. Yes, simply feed a constant supply of sugar to the tooth until it rots away to nothing – problem solved! Apparently not though. I might get gum disease and loose all my teeth. My gurning would be better but my enjoyment of rare meat would suffer. So, to the Dentist – blood, suction and excruciating pain. I fear this big time. Putting my mouth in the hands of a mentalist who I can’t understand a word of does not fill me with excitement. You know, she says something that translates as “don’t swallow right now or you will die” but I hear “the wise old monkey in the wheelchair told me to buy a new thimble”. Scary. New dentist maybe? Yes, I tried that. Not signing any new patients ’till after Christmas. Why me? Why? Why!!! Of course, I shall keep you updated on this issue. Any coping advice will be gratefully received.